peachville | annoying family

I love my family, I really do. But I don't really like them all that much. And I'm sure it's probably pretty mutual, since we often can't agree on anything and have differing interests.
Outside of my first year of college, when I lived on campus, I've lived at home. First with my parents, and then when they divorced, I stayed with Mom. Overall, it's been a good situation for the both of us. For the past year, things have been changing, Mom has a steady boyfriend, and she spends 4 days here 3 with him. And when it was only her & I in the house, I really didn't mind. It was nice to have the house to myself 11 out of 12 weekends. However, my mother's sister (and Godmother) was evicted early this year. She has no job & isn't trying to find one. She no longer recieves unimployment & I'm not sure if she ever got the ball rolling on disability with social security. (I DO know she missed at least one appointment because she's inattentive.)
At first, my mom literally pawned her off on my dad. That lasted about 6 weeks, and then she had to move in with us. In 2 years, she'll recieve widow's benefits, but until then she's got nothing but food stamps. I really do love my aunt, but she's a slob, and totally unhygenic. I avoided eating anything she's touched for more than a decade (I think I was 12 when I really SAW how she cooked without washing her hands, etc.)
I've eaten a few times when she's cooked, but I find the whole thing really of putting. I work until dinner time, so it's not as if I can volunteer to cool for us...although I'm tempted to try to figure out a way. And next week, mom is on vacation with her boyfriend, so I think I'm going to have "dinner plans" every night. (Even if that just means going out to dinner by myself.)

The other annoyance right now is that mom's dealer brought her a baggie of vacation special. Yuck! I love my parents but I wish they didn't do drugs, of any kind. Mom doesn't do the hard stuff, but she smokes pot occasionally, and smokes cigarettes (luckily, she smokes outside). (My aunt smokes too & wishes she could smoke indoors. I'm so glad she can't, becuase it's bad enough smelling what wafts in from the windows & when she doesn't shut the door.)
Meanwhile, my dad, who has had NUMEROUS heart problems (as opposed to mom who only had the 1 heart surgery) still smokes, even though he can barely walk around anymore. And he lost his job a few years ago becuase he failed a random drug test...tested positive for crack (I think?). He might still be using, especially considering he's still got his "friend" (who we've learned "was" a child molester) living with him from time to time. His friend, who has the same first name as him, has been in the ER with a cocane (?) OD, so who knows what's going on with them? I try to keep in touch with dad, but it's hard...there's so much I want to say to him, but we just pretend that nothing is wrong...I KNOW his porn preferances (the joy of sharing a computer with him & getting lovely popups & the like), and I can be pretty sure that his "friend" is a bit more than that, but we've never acknoledged it. I know he wouldn't be happy to, because a part of him has always held himself as "better' than his gay brothers (3 boys out of 8) because he did the straight thing...and married her when he knocked her up. (And stayed married when she lost the first baby.) That's not to say he didn't love mom, but I don't think he was ever really happy, and I'm sad for both of them that they spent 25 years together, before finally making change.
When I think about how things could have been different, I wonder about things like the couple my parents were friends with when I was a baby. The were probably 5 years younger, with a baby 6 or 7 months younger than me...and I think my dad may have genuinely been in love with the guy. At least, I'm pretty sure he was crushing big time, and the guy ended up killing himself, for whatever reason...I always wonder, I know that his wife never really got over his leaving her, and we lost touch with her before I entered high school. Her daughter was my best friend when I was young. I always wonder how she's doing. How she's dealt with the knowledge that her dad killed himself...I remember when I learned about it, and then we talked about her dad, and how she wondered about him...and I wanted to tell her so bad, but all I could say was "ask your mom".
Man, I though I knew it all, I was probably 10 or 12. So "mature" for my age, but man, now at (almost) 27, I realize what a silly little girl I was...and how much I still haven't changed in some ways. Sometimes I pull out my old diaries and journals...and I'm shocked at what I thought things would be like.

Ok, enough depressing thoughts for now...but it was good to vent.